We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
