dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
