i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
