I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
