I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
