THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
