How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
