do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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