Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
