this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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