What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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