Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
