For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
