Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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