he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
