i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
