Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
