It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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