2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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