whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
