Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i love accidental penises.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
