the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need water and some morals
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
