Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
