happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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