I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize