And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
