i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
two words: eviction party
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
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