So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
