Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
