What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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