i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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