you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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