she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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