Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
