So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
