in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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