I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
