im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
