She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
