so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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