Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
