Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
