i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
