i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
