Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
