I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
