she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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