what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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