This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
