my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
