He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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