strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
