This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
