I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Shame is for Republicans.
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