doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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