Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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