I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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