who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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