god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
