Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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