That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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