He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
