Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
