she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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