That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
