I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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