I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
