I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
