babies were throwing up all over the place
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i out mim tonsoeep
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
